Not Perfect

Home v. Home

I'm visiting my dad during my epic vacation and a strange thing happened: his house is not home. I was excited to visit because I needed to decompress. Because I wanted to be taken care of. And... it's not as comfortable as being at home. I'm thinking about different things at home, my home. It's weird, this change. Through college and post college, even through the last year, I would refer to visiting dad as going home. There's a relief and a comfort to going home. For the first time, it's not here for me. Nothing has changed at dad's (and I really mean nothing).

Maybe it's because I miss Pinot Noir, which isn't an option here in restaurants. Maybe because I can't watch TV naked, cook dinner naked, blog naked. Maybe it's because I forgot my glasses. Maybe I'm more independent. Maybe I finally grew up a little.

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I'll be sending out an e-mail to all Whip It Up participants today. Please let me know if you don't receive one.

A weekend with friends. And crazy flight attendants.

My friend Stephanie got married in Virginia this weekend. After a Friday night out with people from church, I got up and flew to VA. I had gone back and forth on driving versus flying and let me tell you: flying was so worth it. An hour and ten minutes in the air plus security doesn't even begin to compare to driving seven hours by myself. And in the end, it was cheaper because of USAir's weekly e-saver. If you like to travel at all, sign up for both United's and USAir's weekly e-savers. They are awesome.)

Now, I encounter a fair amount of flight attendants and they're mostly unremarkable. Until this weekend. On my flight down the woman had the world's case of The Perkies. "Please place your bags in the hhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnndy dandy overhead compartment" and "here are the niiiiiiifffffffffffffffffffty call buttons" and on and on. Everything was nifty or handy dandy. My smacking hand is both nifty AND handy dandy, but assaulting a flight attendant is a felony.

So I thought that was annoying and weird, but on my flight back... Well, let's just say she was so freaking perky that when we took off, she sat in her seat facing all of the passengers and raised her arms like you do going up a mountain on a roller coaster. And she wanted others to join in. I let you guess whether I did or not.

My friend Meredith and her husband picked me up at the airport and we headed to the church hoping to find a place to get ready. Well, we found a place. Or twelve. The church was huge. While on our quest to find a place to get ready we were able to pick up a map. Even with a map it took three of us looking at it to try and find where the actual wedding would be taking place.

And so, Stephanie got married in a service that was perfect for them. She looked like she was going to burst from excitement the entire day. They were so sweet and happy that I teared up. Of course the best part of the ceremony was that I got to hold a baby. Oh yes. She was cute and blonde and so perfectly pudgy with arm rolls and thigh rolls and toe dimples, oh my! She was also quite possibly the best natured baby I have ever met. And I got to hold her. She would have fit perfectly inside of my overnight bag, but I couldn't guarantee that the TSA at the Roanoke airport would overlook the human next to my liquids.

So, the wedding was very nice. After the reception Meredith and I went back to our hotel room and talked and talked. Then we went out for tequila with two other friends from college and continued talking. The margaritas were huge and not very wonderful, though they were wonderfully full of tequila. The quesadillas were possibly made with Kraft singles and flour tortillas and yet, were surprisingly good. But the people? The people rocked.

It was sooo nice to sit and chat with people from college. We used to talk all of the time, when we ate dinner together in the dining hall (actually, it was called a refectory at our school),  when we stopped by  each other's rooms when walking down the hall, when we camped out for event tickets in the middle of November, etc. And now, well, now there are jobs and husbands for some and bills and general responsibilities. We don't live three doors away and we definitely do not talk often enough. It's safe to say that I now have Meredith withdrawal. I mean, who else is guaranteed to walk into the bathroom, look at the washcloth sculpture holding a bar of soap and bring it to me while I lay in bed doing crossword puzzles, extending her arm with the sculpture on a plate and a look of horror in her eyes until I say, "Oh, I see you've found the soap vagina." Well, I'm sure there are people, but that's not my point. I miss the ease of good college friends.

It's safe to say there will be some posts reminiscing about the college years this week. I think I'm going to start with my very favorite college holiday:Townie Trash Weekend. Now, it's possible my friend Crystal and I made it up, but it was a tradition, and there's a Power Point.

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In other good news, I've hung a gone fishin' sign at work for the next THREE WEEKS.

Oh yes. You read that correctly. Today is day one of my vacation and so far it seems that I am very skilled at sleeping late and doing nothing. This should surprise no one.

Last chance for Whip It Up - check if your name is here!

Today is the last day to sign up for Whip It Up: New Recipe Test Drive. Check below to see if your blog is on the list if it's supposed to be. E-mail RA & I at whippingitup@gmail.com if you would like to join. If you don't have a blog, that's okay. I'll post your recipes and pictures here on my blog for you so you can still sign up.

Whip It Up participating blogs:
Definitely RA
Not Perfect
Eating, Running and Loving life in CBus
Nancy Pearl Wannabe
Constantly Arriving
WTF Have I Done???
Rhi in Pink
Du Wax Loolu Recipes
Stranger in a Stranger Land
Contain Your Excitement
Mama Said No!
See Jane Blog
Everyday Reading
The Daily Tannenbaum
Tea and Cake Time
Operation Pink Herring
The People's Nature
Sangria Lover
Jump with Faith
Heidikins
Talkingwithmyself24
World Peace and Cheeseburgers
Perks of Being a JAP
Hollow Squirrel
Crazy Says What
Adventures of Betty Rocker
Slice of Pink
I Before Me
Strip Search City
Confessions of a SAHM
Sea Legs
We're Finally
Trim and Fashionable
Suburban Lush
Two Women Superheroes in the Kitchen
Hot from the Furnace
Love is Blonde
Sass Attack
State I Am In
Which Box
Run with the Fishes
[Jesse and Heather]

Gosh, wouldn't it have been nice if I alphabetized this first? Yeah, it would have.

How to properly scare your mother as a preschooler

When I was little I had long, thick brown hair that required regular, intense brushing sessions. Sometimes they were a tad trying as my hair was naturally curly and prone to tangles. My mother was the person saddled with this chore. (My father probably would have given me a buzz cut if he were left in charge.) Now you probably have an image in your mind of a mother and daughter in long, flowery, flowy dresses, sitting on a recamier with the sun shining on them; the mother wearing an apron, the daughter sitting patiently with her hands folded in her lap. So... we're just going to go with that.

Okay, okay... Chances are my mom was wearing high-waisted, acid-washed jeans with a t-shirt tucked in that had a large pocket on the chest and her short sleeves were rolled up just a little. There were certainly shoulder pads involved. Her hair was probably spiked. I was probably wearing something from Espirit and mom was preparing to insert a large object into my hair, likely a scrunchie that matched my outfit, or a bow type thing.

So, there sat while my mother lovingly brushed my hair. Perhaps she was humming a tune, probably at church hymn Madonna. Those quiet moments are the memories you reflect on: the ordinary, the mundane, and yet, so very special. Then on this one day, when I was four years old, my mother had the snot scared out of her. While brushing my hair and gazing at me, admiring all of my delicate features, mom peered into my ear... and something stared back at her.

That wasn't really the way my mother was expecting to start her day. Something was staring at her from inside of my ear. Yeah. She definitely didn't expect that. I'm pretty sure she figured that I had mutant lice, or a brain-kitten, so she called my father in to investigate. Surely there couldn't be something looking at her from inside my ear. But oh, there was.

They asked if I had put anything into my ear, but hello, I was four and not exactly reliable for retelling stories. I was, after all, the same four year old who sent my 18-month-old brother to get the mail because he wanted to -- BUT I BUNDLED HIM UP WITH LOVE. Needless to say, my butt was at the pediatrician's office pretty quickly. (That would be the same ped whose office staff once joked that they were going to give me my own room.) Apparently I had shoved one of those jiggly, googly plastic eyes that you find glued to things (you know, the white plastic with the moving black part) into my ear. After visiting my pediatrician, I had to see another doctor -- a specialist with special tools. No one knows exactly how long it was there. The doctor tried to fish it out, though it was too deep to do so. This meant it had to be flushed out. I'm pretty sure there was crying involved, and I know for sure that memory repression has taken place. A few moments later the eye was out and my mother has never looked at my ears without suspicion in the last 21 years.

And that, my friends, is how a preschooler properly freaks her parents out. Next time we revisit the parts of my childhood that make my parents close their eyes and shake their heads, we'll discuss my adventure with whiplash.

Disclaimer: Intricate details of the story are a bit fuzzy because I was, after all, four when the jiggle eye incident occurred.

Whip It Up reminder! And, um, recipe ideas?

Don't forget the deadline to sign up for Whip It Up is this Friday, June 27th! We currently have 36 people signed up and welcome more. Send an e-mail to RA and I at whippingitup@gmail.com to sign up.

Now, am I the only person who is so overwhelmed by potential new recipes that I have ZERO clue as to what I should make for the first week? Because I'm overwhelmed. The hint for the week is pasta, and I can totally do pasta, but do you know how many recipes for pasta there are on the internet? Uh, like way more than 100.

Now, next week I'm going to be visiting my dad to annoy the hell out of him by leaving dirty dishes on the counter instead of putting them in the dishwasher so I have to take his eating preferences into account. But he has none. Seriously, the man will eat anything from rare sushi to octopus to what he prepares for himself regularly: plain grilled chicken breast, plain white rice and plain microwaved broccoli. Basically his presence doesn't narrow anything down. Though, it does allow me to use as many pots and pans as possible because I'm not allowed to clean up because I don't do it correctly (woe is me.)

Now, about two weeks ago I did attempt a pasta dish, Pioneer Woman's Penne a la Betsy. It... did not turn out well and I was almost arrested for garlic abuse. I think the recipe is probably a good recipe, but I definitely used too much garlic and onion, and omitting the white wine probably wasn't wise.

I know I'll figure something out, I was just wondering if others are in the same boat.

If you see...

• A woman with really scary, unkempt hair wandering around Philly today and you're thinking, MAN if she just blow dried that mane... Don't judge.
• A woman with a gigantic zit on her right cheek  and dark circles under her her eyes and you wonder, Why the hell doesn't she use cover up so she doesn't look like she just crawled out of a swamp... Don't judge.
• A woman who is squinting at the sun and you're wondering why doesn't she just put on her sunglasses. Don't judge.
• A woman who looks like she has a headache and is in a foul mood... Don't judge.

You see, that poor woman is missing her bow dryer and straightening iron and assorted hair products and make up and sneakers and her flip flop wardrobe and her daily medications (post two day emergency supply in carry on) and her sunglasses and clothing and comfortable underwear along with various other items. You see, they are presently being held captive somewhere between Philadelphia and Denver, Denver and Albuquerque, or, let's hope, at least somewhere in the continental US. That girl is really not pleased.

By the way, if you're a flip flop wearer I would strongly encourage you not to pack all five pairs of your flip flops for one trip so you have versatility. No. You just might end up in a situation where you're left only with the pair you have on, and the woman in front of you on the airplane might just spill ice freaking cold orange juice all over your feet, and carry-on, and quite frankly, the stickiness might never go away.

So tired.

The meeting is over and I'm on my way home. I've spent a significant amount of time in airports today. I've gotten a lot of reading done. I'm now sitting in Denver's airport, which I love, but I'm so tired I can barely see straight. Some observations from today:

• Women in Albuquerque tend to have bigger hair than I've seen in other airports. How does it stay that high? Why doesn't it fall like a souffle? Or part like the Red Sea? Is it possible to have hairspray poisoning?
• I am not a chic traveler. I don't get off the plane looking all cute. I have to dig for anything that's in my bag. I have circles under my eyes. I probably smell. My hair looks like hell. Oh yes, and I'm breaking out again.
• I'm only a fan of free airport wireless if it works (I'm looking at you Albuquerque for 95% of my time there today.)
• Denver is an easily navigable airport. But it's also possible that I've just spent too much time here this past year.
• Sequins on sweats are always wrong. This is nonnegotiable.
• Grown women traveling without children hugging stuffed animals -- presumably to use as pillows on the plane -- look really fucking dumb.
• The slogan of the restaurant I ate at a little bit ago was "Eat up. Drink up. Smoke up." It was the only thing open. I had no choice.
• All cute, polite men are, in fact, attached.
• The terror level is considered to be elevated, at level orange. They make announcements about this elevated level all of the time. Did you know that it has been at orange since August 2006? Or that the lower two levels of the five level system have never been used since its inception in 2002? Or that you can get a security threat indicator for your blog?
• I had to get patted down today going through security. I get searched fairly frequently (seriously, it's my prescription toothpaste) but this was the first time I had to be probed and then patted down. The culprit was my bra. Everyone outside of the glass cube I was in got a nice show.
• I'm an idiot for taking a red eye flight. 

Shortly I will be dosed with Benadryl and hopefully I'll be a happy, sleeping gal.

(And if there are typos in this post, I apologize. My head is tired from today.)

Home now? Yes?

I usually like the travel portion of my job. Granted, when people ask me what I think of certain cities I often comment they have really lovely meeting rooms and then comment on the airport. But I fly out of Philadelphia which is notoriously off schedule with long lines at security and rude employees so in most places the airport comments are always positive. (Best airport EVAR? Fort Smith, Arkansas. However, this should not be mistaken as ever wanting to go back to AR. Ever. I'm too fried to tell the AR story, but maybe Goodness and Light and my mother will write a guest post. Do you want to know what my mother will say? CASH BAR, 'NUF SAID.)

Anyway, traveling is typically good. But right now I want to go home. This is turning into a stressful trip. The venue is beautiful. Dealing with certain aspects of the venue are not so good. At all. A little while ago, one of the staff members told me of the lemon bars that were supposed to have been served over two hours earlier were not going to be lemon bars at all, instead, it would be lemon pudding. I wasn't pleased because hello, it was two hours late and completely wrong. Now, mind you, all of the food has been served here late and people get cranky when they don't eat. I spoke to my sales person today about just that. When the staff member said to me today, "Well, we probably won't charge you for them," my inner bitchdemon came out and said, "well that's convenient because we won't be paying for them." Though, it's true -- contracts were signed months ago.

Conveniently there has been one issue after another. (Rooming, computer issues, printer issues, participant issues, wireless issues, and other assorted things because this list is only touching the surface.) My boss asked me the other day, even before the participants arrived, "Do you think we should come back here next year?" Even then, my answer was no. It continues to be a no. And right now when lunch is to be served in four three minutes and there is no food in the chaffing dishes, it's a really loud, resounding no. Also, could I please go home and watch TV now?

Yes, I did just sign an e-mail, "Can't type more, must rest slapping hand."

But if you want to know the scariest part of all? Earlier today I decided that I would head to the airport about 7 hours before my flight to hang out. Either I'm going insane, I have a severe case of homesickness (I don't) or my brain has been inhabited by alien beings. Why the hell would I want to hang out at the damn airport? God.

Is it the altitude? (Also, more Whip It Up info)

When I'm at the beginning of the work meeting I'm a bundle of nerves. If you aren't familiar with meeting planning I'll give you a brief overview: people want to sleep and eat. When they don't they are cranky. I like to avoid cranky people so I stuff them full of food and make sure they have comfy beds. Let's just say that the rooming list situation for this retreat has not been lovely, even necessitating my making a phone call to the facility at 11:45 PM on Monday while I was at home getting ready. A phone call that lasted for half an hour.

Things seem to be okay now, but the true test comes tomorrow when the rest of the group arrives.

I think you'd all want to beat me if you heard me complaining from where I am. I mean, there's the private patio, the fireplace in my room, the massage I have scheduled in the morning, and of course I'm sitting in my bathing suit because I spent part of the afternoon at the pool. Last but not least, I'm about 7500 feet above sea level so I'm a really cheap drunk. (Do we have work trips where we don't drink? Not that I've heard of.) (Also, I know some of my past participants are reading right now thinking about how I'm a bitch who never gave them a private fireplace and made them stay in some boring hotel without sunshine for days on end. I'll offer you this: the pillows suck.)

It's good. Of course, no trip would be worth taking without abusing the macro feature on my camera.

Other pictures are here.

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Now, for Whip It Up info...

Do I have to participate for all eight weeks? Nope. You should try to participate as much as possible, and if you don't complete eight recipes you aren't eligible for the prizes, but it's totally okay to do a partial participation.

I'm not really into food blogs. It's okay. We're not aspiring to be great food bloggers here. We're people who need to eat new things. It's just a group project.

I'm not a good cook AT ALL. It doesn't matter. You just have to try. If your idea of cooking is Kraft Mac & Cheese, you can actually find variations on the internet. Try one of those. If you can only boil water, you can try making cous cous (you boil the water and then turn it off before adding the cous cous). There are lots of things you can do. This is a learning experience for everyone and the important thing is that we all try something new.

How do I sign up again? Send an e-mail to RA and I at whippingitup@gmail.com.

Let's Whip It Up!

Do you ever find yourself in a cooking rut? We all do: cooking the same thing over and over because it tastes pretty good and it's easy. But it's time to stop that. Oh yes. And we are going to do it together. This summer, RA and I are hosting Whip It Up: Taking Recipes on Test Drives Since 2008. Each week we'll each try new recipes, post them on our blogs to share these recipes with each other and maybe even develop our own recipe binders.

I'm sure you have questions so I'm going to try to answer them.

Wait, so what's going on?
Each week you try at least one new recipe. You post it on your blog along with photos of the finished product, should you choose to do so. You also answer questions about whether the recipe was good, easy and if you'd try it again. Each week RA or I will post a round up of all of the recipes on our blogs so you can go see what everyone else is doing.

Well, that sounds kind of cool. What do I have to do to sign up?
Send an e-mail to us at whippingitup@gmail.com and let us know that you want to partake. You have two weeks to sign up, the deadline is June 27th. Don't worry, I'll post a reminder as the date gets closer.

When does this whole challenge start?
We will begin our challenge the week of July 7th, with the wrap up posted here on my blog on July 11th. The last week of the challenge is August 25th with the wrap up posted on August 29th.

I'm really busy this summer and I might need to miss a week, can I still participate?
Of course! If you're going to miss a week you can double up another week. A maximum of two recipes a week will be accepted so you can enter the prize drawing at the end of the summer.

Wait, there's a prize?!
THERE IS! At the end of the eight weeks, everyone who completes at least eight new recipes will be entered into a random drawing for a new cookbook. The choices are:

• Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking (my favorite!)
• The America's Test Kitchen Family Cookbook (RA's favorite!)
• Barefoot Contessa at Home (just an awesome choice!)

But I'm kind of stumped about what I should make...
Ah, we all go through that. If you're stumped for a new recipe, RA and I will guide you each week with a suggested theme. The theme will be posted each week with the wrap-up post and is merely a suggestion and you don't have to follow it, but it's also a good jumping off point.

I need some more help.
RA and I came up with a list of resources which you can find here on RA's blog: Resources. If you're stumped beyond that you are always welcome to ask us and your fellow participants in the weekly wrap-up comments.

I need a badge!
Of course we have badges. You can find the badges here on my blog and you can also go to the flickr pool to download them in different sizes.

Here it is in 100 px

Here it is in 216 px

So we post a recipe on our blog and that's it?
Well, sort of. You're going to post the recipe (or a link to an online source) and then talk about it. In fact, we do have a bit of a suggested format. It's only three parts. First, you'll introduce your recipe, tell us where you found it and maybe show us a picture of the final product (you can add the pic to our group flickr pool too!). Then you'll list the recipe and any modifications you made. At the end, you'll give us your verdict by answering the following questions:

• Was the recipe easy to follow?
• Did the dish taste good?
• Would you make it again?

So let's recap:

• You try a new recipe each week
• You post about the recipe on your blog
• You send a link to your post to whippingitup@gmail.com by Thursday of each week at midnight
• RA and I will post a round up on Friday for you to check out what other people made
• There's a prize in August!