Not Perfect

Glued back together

Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers yesterday. I can't tell you how much it means to me -- seriously, the percocet is yummy but brain function? uh... It means a lot and I appreciate it so much.

Surgery went well and they were able to do it laparoscopically. There were some complications with significant scar tissue from the last surgery and one very badly damaged ovary that ended up being removed.

Oooh, the alarm just went off signaling DRUG TIME. I love drug time and hopefully it will let me sleep through the cheering going on outside my window. Thanks again!

"vacation"

I've had to create a chart to delegate my responsibilities and show where work projects stand. This chart is typically deemed a Vacation Chart in our organization. I've started to use air quotes when I say it. Technically I'm out sick on leave, but after the preparations at work, including a trip to Oregon last week, have left me kind of drained. Plus, there were some funky blood test results (apparently I have blood blah blah antibodies blah antigens blah blah it's fine) that added to my freak out. As I've been saying all day today I just want it to be here so it can be DONE.

My apartment is ready, except for the dishes still in the sink. I hate doing dishes with an unbridled passion and am presently trying to figure out if it would be that bad of a decision to just go hire someone off the street to do them right now. I mean, it'd probably cost about twenty bucks and I'm thinking it's worth it.

Maybe not.

So, I'm on "vacation". True, I'm having surgery, but I will also be drugged! DRUGS! Yay for drugs! I also don't have to go to work, and the drugs will prevent me from stressing about work. Again, YAY for drugs.

Drugs, drugs, drugs. Sleep, sleep, sleep. Annnnnnnddddd those are my plans for the next week.

By the way, I'm still holding out hope that they find a Wii in there.

They're a-comin'

One week from today my family will begin to arrive in Philadelphia to support me through my surgery. Mom is going to take me out to dinner on Tuesday night. We're having hamburgers. From Rouge. She doesn't know this yet but seeing as how I'm the one who's going to be CUT OPEN to have weird shit extracted from my body we are having hamburgers. Unless, of course, she presents me with a Valentino Bow Tote then we can go and eat whatever she wants. (Alternatives would include a Kooba Elisha bag or a Cole Haan Penney Denny Bag. I'm not picky.)(Yes, yes I am.)(Seriously though, anything from JCrew will do.)

Anyway. The family. They're coming. They're coming here to be in my apartment. I'm going to be in a drug induced stupor/sleep and they're going to be here with my STUFF. Suddenly I've realized that I need a seriously thorough cleaning and reorganization of my apartment to pretend that I live like an adult, or at the very least, a semi-sane 12 year old. So, to offer some explanations in case you people hear any crazy rumors:

• Yes, there is a wedding invitation on the floor of my bathroom. I have containers for stuff down there so it's not like I dropped it. It's not like I took it to read it in the bathroom. The truth is, I put it in a Sephora bag that I was carrying while I opened it on the elevator and shoved it in the bag. I emptied the bag in the bathroom shoved it with the other stuff I bought instead of putting it away. It's not THAT weird.
• There's a fair amount of expensive cheese in my fridge. Uh. It was a gift. Okay, maybe not.
• I do eat things other than 100 calorie packs and expensive cheese. It's just that I keep noticing the awesome new 100 calorie pack options. For what it's worth, the chocolate covered pretzels and Stella D'Oro cookies are awesome. Also, keep your grimy hands off of them.
• There's no explanation for three kinds of frozen shrimp in my freezer.
• Yes, my underwear are meticulously folded. Always. My shoes are in a pile. Always.
• No, I do not have enough tote bags.
• If there is a spare Sephora receipt lying around it's from someone else. I do not spend that much money there. 
• Yes, there are two blowdryers and a straightener in my bathroom. They're all essential. Well, they are for the days when I don't put my hair in a ponytail.
• The shower curtain liner with mildew on it is 4 weeks old. This is why one should never, ever, ever buy such things at the dollar store for 99 cents. The $15 liners that last six months are well worth the money but they're at Target and Target is far away.
• I'm pretty sure the calendar says it's July. Oh well.
• The plants like looking just a little bit dead.
• Yes, my windows are always open unless the temperature is below freezing.
• I do have a surprising number of cookbooks for a person with a 100 calorie pack problem.

Also, about my expectations about this family time:

• When I say it's Monopoly time, we're all playing Monopoly. Drink as much as you need to.
• Yes, we're watching My Fake Baby and we're watching it from start to finish.
• Also, the West Wing. There are some episodes that are perfectly reasonable to watch twice in a row.
• I'm really serious about My Fake Baby.
• H&M is, in fact, close enough to go there on my required regular walks. When I go there I will need to buy jewelry and it won't be nice to judge me.
• Yay for Percocet!

I have no idea where I got my dark sense of humor

I spent a good portion of today at pre-admission testing for my upcoming surgery. My hospital has this down to a science and basically, I sat in a room while a stream of people came in to do their thing. I had my interview, a physical, met with the anesthesiologist, yadda yadda yadda. Each of these people ask a series of questions: how to spell my name, date of birth, date of surgery, blah, blah, and if I have an advanced directive or a living will. I also got a pamphlet on advanced directives. By the time the third person asked me I stopped responding with "I'M TWENTY SIX" and simply said, "My family knows my wishes."

After leaving the testing facility, off to buy myself a present because I decided that for every vial of blood they took I could spend $10. Oddly, I promptly forgot about my present and instead decided that I should take a nap. It was a glorious nap. But I still get my present!

Mom called to ask how things had gone so I was sharing, and when I got to the advanced direction portion of the day decided to add, for good measure, "If you Terri Sciavo me I WILL HAUNT YOUR ASS." My mom laughed hysterically. "No, seriously, if you guys put pictures of me looking at a balloon on the internet I WILL HAUNT YOU."

"You're going to haunt me?"

"Yes, I will make sure every time you go to wear a pair of heels they break."

"So what do you want us to do?"

"If I'm declared brain dead, let me die, donate my organs and cremate me."

"Do we have to donate, or can we put them on the black market?"

"YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SELL MY ORGANS ON THE BLACK MARKET."

"Well, it's not like you'll have a choice..."

"I WILL HAUNT YOU. You may not sell my organs to buy Gucci."

"I just think we have to consider all options. The economy is in pretty bad shape."

"I think I'm going to give A. [my 13-year-old cousin] power of attorney. Seriously, I don't want to wake up with out part of an ovary and my uterus."

"Even if they have to use duct tape to keep it in there?"

"If there's mention of duct tape, I'd like a second opinion."

"Well we'll go out, have a glass of wine and see what we decide."

"Are you saying that's the second opinion?"

"Yes, it will be our second opinion."

Later I called my dad to go over the plan for the day of surgery. After some logistical discussion I threw in, "If you Terri Schiavo me, I'll haunt you. I'm serious."

"Well, we'll have to leave it to whatever Republican is handling those things."

"Seriously, if I'm declared brain dead, pull the plug, donate my organs and have my body cremated."

"Hey, instead of donating - "

"YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SELL MY ORGANS ON THE BLACK MARKET."

"You donate and it's not even tax-deductible."

"Mom had the same idea."

"Why should she get the black market organ money?"

After some thinking and discussion, it was determined that my black market organ money should go to dad, to which he responded, "But she's a salesperson so I'll cut her in for 30%, more if she already has a buyer."

Please provide a caption

Art?
Originally uploaded by notperfectplease

This item has been on the wall of my office since before I started here. If you were have to categorize this piece, would you say art or graffiti corpse? What would you name it?

Once upon a time...

I once posted saying that I'd never post about politics on this blog. That was stupid. Thankfully it's my blog so I can just change the rules. Rules = changed.

But... things are so divisive. I'm really glad that I'm going to spend the week before the election on painkillers. I know people are judging and turning against friends for their affiliations.

Now you can judge me. So be it.

I voted for George Bush in 2000.*

I am more conservative than a lot of people on the interwebs. I'm also a hell of a lot more liberal than others. I tend to be fiscally conservative and socially liberal. A while ago I had gone back and forth on who I was going to vote for, tending to lean towards Obama but I wasn't quite sure. Let me be clear, I do not have Obama fever in any way. But I will be voting for him without hesitation.

I know people wonder how I choose who I'm voting for as a church-goer and I am more than happy to discuss that but I don't want to turn this into a preachy blog. Yes, still voting for Obama.

When Obama chose Biden as his running mate I walked around for days saying, "Biden? Really?" But then Sarah Palin was announced and my choice was clear: anyone but her. People who know me are aware of my morbid curiosity of Palin. Was she vetted? If so, why was she still chosen? She's been a constant source of negative attention to the campaign: pregnant daughter, the firing of the state trooper, radical religious views, the disaster that was the Couric interview, et cetera, et cetera. It's showing in the polls.

I get a pit in my stomach every time someone says they love her or they're inspired by her. I can see being inspired by her rise to the governorship. But I don't think that qualifies her in any way, shape or form for the Vice Presidency/Presidency and to participate on the national and international scale. I don't think she can begin to understand the current economic crisis, let alone be in a position to handle it. She's heavily pupeteered by the McCain campaign, spewing talking points, stumbling when asked to elaborate.

More than anything, if someone is going to wink at me, they better answer the damn questions.

I would love to hear who people are voting for and why, from both sides of the aisle.

*My vote in 2004 wasn't counted because I filled out an absentee ballot and I believe it was my birth date that wasn't legible. It was sent back for the correction but I was out of town so my vote wasn't actually counted. The vote was for Kerry.

Happy birthday to me!

In the hours since I've turned 26 it's become quite clear to me that I really, really need to start coloring my hair. I'm now in the second half of my twenties and I just can't fight it anymore.

Other than that, it's been a good day. There have been lots of cards and birthday wishes, a plan for tonight that includes take-out Thai and the debate, and a good hair day. Oh, and I plan on stopping by JCrew after work. It IS my birthday. Plus, JCrew has way fewer calories than cake.

But for those of you who are wondering what it's like to spend a day as me, let me give you a glimpse of my life through this conversation with my mother...

Her: The Mandarin Oriental opened so I called Gregory [my brother] and said, "hey, we should go have drinks to celebrate Nicki."
Me: So you're going to go have drinks to celebrate my birthday?
Her: Yes.
Me: Without me?
Her: Enjoy it in spirit, you ungrateful little thing, you.

Where, oh where, has my sense of humor gone? Also discussed: puking

I had my first work trip of this month to Denver. I have a good college friend who lives there and he used to regale us with stories of the snow and the cold. After being there multiple times this year I am certain of one thing: he's a liar. Each time it's been warmer in Denver than it has been in Philadelphia, including when I was there on February 29th and it was 75 degrees.

When people find out I travel for work I'm always met with comments about how amazing it must be to see different areas of the country. I usually roll my eyes and say that I can describe, in detail, the intricacies of the hotels and their meeting rooms, but anything outside of those doors? I've got nothing. There's some supposed implied glamor about traveling for work. I think people assume that traveling for work is like a bunch of minivacations that let you escape from daily life. Which, in a way, it is. But glamorous? No...

There is nothing, NOTHING less glamorous than spending all day puking in a hotel room. Of having your coworkers concerned because you're missing the meeting and you're very obviously sickly. And then to make matters worse you have to spend the next day on an airplane willing yourself not to puke (and not to reach across the aisle and strangle the parents who are letting each of their kids watch an episode of Dora on their laptops without headphones.) To make that plane ride more fun it should definitely be turbulent enough that the flight attendents had to spend a good portion of the flight sitting.

In good news, the puking has stopped. The nausea? Not so much.

----

So I did a very good job of bumming people out with my last post about the evil bride who dissed her parents in the middle of her wedding ceremony. (Also, I just used the word "dissed". I do not know what is wrong with me right now.) A few years ago I think I could have written that and made people laugh and cry. Now, not so much. Is it because I'm afraid of offending people? Probably. (See example: every time I have talked about strapless wedding dresses. I do relent: Strapless dresses can look great on skinny girls IF they are properly fitted. IF.) Is it because I've gotten too nice and I don't want to hurt feelings? This is possible but is also certainly a passing phase.

So I'm on the hunt to regain my sense of humor. I would like to be funny and snarky again because this is obviously a factor affecting all areas of my life. Life is just more fun when you're making fun of things.

Next time we'll talk about how the only new fall series I went out of my way to watch was about the Duggar family.