Not Perfect

One of my favorite stories. That I forgot about. And that applies to real life.

Back in the olden days when I planned weddings, I was googling my company's name one day and came across one of our brides. It was on a famous wedding site (that one. yes, you know the one I'm talking about) and said bride had created a profile (yeah, I really do not want to be easily searched by those who frequent the site so we're going to call it a profile). Of course I was fascinated by this so I clicked on her username and began reading her posts. Since I was doing this at work I, of course, called my coworker in to see.

The bride had a GORGEOUS wedding. Stunning. Amazing. She was quite popular, especially among those who were similarly profile obsessed. She was also quite popular among some haters who didn't necessarily agree with some of her extravagant wedding expenses. She had a premier wedding photographer. Her pictures are unbelievable. There have been times since then where I've seen her pictures used in inspiration board and wedding posts across the net. Everything was top of the line. The pictures, the registry, the elaborate nature of the wedding, the professions of love, everything, everything, everything announced how amazing and perfect things were.

The biggest disconnect we saw was in the bride's review of the wedding. The discussion of how her guests proclaimed it to be the best, most amazing wedding they had ever seen was what sent us over the edge and into a fit of laughter. HARD LAUGHTER. She used the word 'amazing' a lot.

During the planning we found that the bride was nice, a little overly detail oriented which is kind of comical in the wedding industry because there are a lot of things that guests never, ever notice. The elaborate plan for the wedding day was bound to be awkward, and this was mentioned, but she had a vision.

Unfortunately I can't give details because this wedding will live on in legend and would be easily identifiable if I gave specific details of what happened, but, well... The guests didn't exactly enjoy themselves. It is the only wedding I have seen, or heard of, where the guests were royally pissed off. Angry. Some were even ballistic. Let's just say that the guests didn't eat for nearly 12 hours. It was a very expensive destination wedding where none of the guests were actually able to experience the destination. And wow, I need you to trust me that this is only the tip of the iceberg. When the group finally arrived at the reception hours late, it still required an intervention from the staff and family members to allow the guests to eat before the bridal party was done with all of the dances and such. Oh, and that was after some guests left to go get food. (My company was only involved in the reception.)

There were so many, many things that when I talk about this (one of my many cocktail party tricks) I have to reinforce that really, this all happened at ONE wedding.

I think the only way to fully express how awful this wedding is this: my dad, who cannot remember my date of birth, can recall details from this wedding.

The website, however, spoke of perfection. Of this wonderful day. It's true they did get married and I'm certain the ceremony was beautiful. And yes, that is the most important part of the day... but... There's no mention that they royally screwed 200 guests over. The people who fawned over this bride have no idea how angry she made family and friends during the process. My coworker and I were mesmerized by how this account of the wedding was so bizarrely detached from the reality of the day. I often say that you have to overlook the little things on the wedding day and just enjoy and remember the importance of the day. But... these things the bride said... they were... not true. Perfection doesn't typically include people hating you at the end of the day, you know?

Recently I've found myself rolling my eyes at different parts of the internet when people get a little... braggy. Or, even worse, when I feel like people are trying to push their agenda of how perfect their life is down my throat. I remembered this story last week and it reminded me that when people are writing on the internet, they're telling a story. They're telling the actual story of their life, or they're simply telling a story. Nothing is actually perfect and the more you try to prove it, the further from the actual truth you are. It was a nice kick in the pants.

Oh, one other little detail that was excluded in the tale of the amazing wedding on the fawned over profile and posts: it was all originally planned with a different groom in mind.

*Note* for those who are truly interested in the details, e-mail me.

The plight of a hopeless gossip who is trying to be a good Christian

Today I have read celebrity gossip blogs, I have gossiped about fellow churchgoers, I told Kristin to bite me over a football team (though, seriously, it could also be the nicest thing I've said to her in DAYS), I expressed my extreme distaste for a fellow churchgoer -- or two, I have checked my hometown newspaper to make sure no one I dislike is getting married before I am, I wished someone in Bible study would be quiet, and you know what, I'm probably only listing the tip of the iceberg here

I know: I AM AWESOME. Yes, you should TOTALLY read my blog.

There are many days now where I feel like slamming my head against the wall and exclaiming  Christianity = FAIL. (Obviously my own Christianity, not the concept of Christianity. Although...  definitely some concepts of Christianity which - let me just stop on this digression right now.) Anyway, I've been commenting recently that I am TERRIBLE at Christianity.

I like church. I like Jesus. I don't see going back to a non-church focused life. For me, there is an x-factor; there's a certain calm and sense of peace I feel. Yadda yadda yadda. As someone who always felt that religion was brainwashing, trust me, I wondered about this. And trust me, some of my family members and friends are freaked out that I'm saying these things. I've also wondered about the placebo effect and maybe I just want to feel this way so I do. But... I don't think that's it. It feels good and there's a certain - new - sense of joy.

Today I spent eight hours with church people. I went to a bible study conversation, I taught Sunday school, I participated in a church event, went out for brunch with church people where we discussed church things, then went to a party at the home of a church staff member. Oh, and two days ago I had dinner with my priest to discuss a committee I'm going to be sitting on and then yesterday I had a day long class about the denomination. I feel a little churched-out right now. It was all very good and I had a nice time. Actually, I had fun. But, it's not all fun and games. Obviously.

I'm constantly amazed at how hard it is just to plain be nice and think nice thoughts about people. I'm a person who, when walking behind someone who happens to walk slower than I do thus causing me to break my stride, well I'm a person who often thinks about shoving said slow-walker into the street. See, I SUCK at this. I'm a person who, upon being introduced to a couple where one spouse is significantly more attractive than the other, thinks SERIOUSLY. I'm a person who creates potential autobiography storylines for some of the celebrity children who are most ridiculously named (ahemBronxMowgliahem) (SEE! I did it again!) I'm a person who announces on a regular basis that spending time with person X would make me want to poke my eye out with a fork.  I'm a hopeless gossip (Ask Kristin and Rhi.) On more than one ocassion I've been pleased by the misfortune of others (extra points if their misfortune might cause them to shut the hell up about the perfection in their life.) I am plain old bad at being nice.

Every day I'm struggling more and more to be better, to be nicer, to stop being a jerk. It's freaking hard. But, regardless of religious influence, gossip isn't good for anyone. Fun? yes. Good? not so much. Being nice in general won't kill me. I should probably stop mocking people. I like the term I heard today that some people just require some extra grace to be in their presence (Extra Grace Required aka EGRs) and I could just use that instead. So if I know all of these things, why is it so damn hard to not get annoyed, to let things go and to think nice thoughts about other people? So. Hard.***

How do the nice people do it because I'm am struggling here?

(I know talking about church and Christianity is uncomfortable for some. Not a problem. I TOTALLY understand and in the past have closed many blog windows when someone got too Jesus-y on me. Eventually I will move Christianity related posts to a new blog, but for now, they're here.)

*** That's what she said.

The budget.

I got a phone call from the bank this afternoon telling me my beloved debit/Mastercard had been compromised in some type of break-in and was being replaced. This is not the first time this has happened on this account. More like the third. In two years. I happen to find this annoying. HUGELY ANNOYING.

Anyway, I am sans card. FOR TWO WEEKS. TWO WEEKS of no shopping.* No money. Especially the cash monies.

Obviously I will not be tipping anyone.

And the cab rides. Oh... I'll miss the cab rides.

This means no impulse shoe purchases. No Barnes and Noble. No perusing the anthropologie sale section on Tuesday morning. No making good use of my Shopittome salemail. No impulse chocolate purchases. No lunch from DiBruno's. No swinging by the GAP outlet on my way home from work. No browsing in the aisles while I wait for my prescription to be filled at CVS (seriously, how easy is it to spend an extra $50 there on stuff you do not need?) No grabbing a glass of wine after work. No extra chocolate.

I'm on a two week spending diet and this is going to be ugly. I mean, it's going to be nice for my savings account. Well, not really because it really just means that I'm saving for my trip to awesome JCrew shoe store next month. But it is just brutal to have all of my discretionary expenses flaunted in my face because I can't have them right now.

Needless to say, when these two weeks are up I'll be buying myself a present. Or three.

*So it's really not as bad as it seems. I was whining about it to my dad today (he has the same bank) and he asked, "Wait, you can write checks?" "Yeah." "And you have another account [at a separate bank]?" "Yeah." "And you have a credit card?" "Yes, but I don't like to use it.**" "So you don't need anything?" "Well, no." And it's true. The bills have been paid. I just did a big grocery shop yesterday. I'm pretty much totally fine except for the HUGE ANNOYANCE of spending money not being easy.

**I keep a card so I have credit. It was a PITA to get. Do you know what makes you a high risk credit person so it's hard to get a card? NO CREDIT DEBT. Seriously. No credit history screwed me over once. Also, it's useful for renting cars because you can't do that with a debit card in all areas.