The plight of a hopeless gossip who is trying to be a good Christian

Today I have read celebrity gossip blogs, I have gossiped about fellow churchgoers, I told Kristin to bite me over a football team (though, seriously, it could also be the nicest thing I've said to her in DAYS), I expressed my extreme distaste for a fellow churchgoer -- or two, I have checked my hometown newspaper to make sure no one I dislike is getting married before I am, I wished someone in Bible study would be quiet, and you know what, I'm probably only listing the tip of the iceberg here

I know: I AM AWESOME. Yes, you should TOTALLY read my blog.

There are many days now where I feel like slamming my head against the wall and exclaiming  Christianity = FAIL. (Obviously my own Christianity, not the concept of Christianity. Although...  definitely some concepts of Christianity which - let me just stop on this digression right now.) Anyway, I've been commenting recently that I am TERRIBLE at Christianity.

I like church. I like Jesus. I don't see going back to a non-church focused life. For me, there is an x-factor; there's a certain calm and sense of peace I feel. Yadda yadda yadda. As someone who always felt that religion was brainwashing, trust me, I wondered about this. And trust me, some of my family members and friends are freaked out that I'm saying these things. I've also wondered about the placebo effect and maybe I just want to feel this way so I do. But... I don't think that's it. It feels good and there's a certain - new - sense of joy.

Today I spent eight hours with church people. I went to a bible study conversation, I taught Sunday school, I participated in a church event, went out for brunch with church people where we discussed church things, then went to a party at the home of a church staff member. Oh, and two days ago I had dinner with my priest to discuss a committee I'm going to be sitting on and then yesterday I had a day long class about the denomination. I feel a little churched-out right now. It was all very good and I had a nice time. Actually, I had fun. But, it's not all fun and games. Obviously.

I'm constantly amazed at how hard it is just to plain be nice and think nice thoughts about people. I'm a person who, when walking behind someone who happens to walk slower than I do thus causing me to break my stride, well I'm a person who often thinks about shoving said slow-walker into the street. See, I SUCK at this. I'm a person who, upon being introduced to a couple where one spouse is significantly more attractive than the other, thinks SERIOUSLY. I'm a person who creates potential autobiography storylines for some of the celebrity children who are most ridiculously named (ahemBronxMowgliahem) (SEE! I did it again!) I'm a person who announces on a regular basis that spending time with person X would make me want to poke my eye out with a fork.  I'm a hopeless gossip (Ask Kristin and Rhi.) On more than one ocassion I've been pleased by the misfortune of others (extra points if their misfortune might cause them to shut the hell up about the perfection in their life.) I am plain old bad at being nice.

Every day I'm struggling more and more to be better, to be nicer, to stop being a jerk. It's freaking hard. But, regardless of religious influence, gossip isn't good for anyone. Fun? yes. Good? not so much. Being nice in general won't kill me. I should probably stop mocking people. I like the term I heard today that some people just require some extra grace to be in their presence (Extra Grace Required aka EGRs) and I could just use that instead. So if I know all of these things, why is it so damn hard to not get annoyed, to let things go and to think nice thoughts about other people? So. Hard.***

How do the nice people do it because I'm am struggling here?

(I know talking about church and Christianity is uncomfortable for some. Not a problem. I TOTALLY understand and in the past have closed many blog windows when someone got too Jesus-y on me. Eventually I will move Christianity related posts to a new blog, but for now, they're here.)

*** That's what she said.

Comments

[Audrey]

It is hard not to gossip, you're right (and that IS what she said). I am guilty of gossiping myself, but something that has helped me curb the gossip is trying to give people the benefit of the doubt and/or trying to find the positive side of things. Of course, I'm having trouble thinking of any examples of this philosophy in action right now, otherwise I'd share them with you. Hmmm...guess I need to work a little harder at the not gossiping thing, too. :)

[Kelly J]

Are things like not gossping something to strive for? Sure. But are you a bad Christian for doing so? Not really, when you stop and think about it. And I'm sure all those "nice people" you wonder about how to become do the same kinds of things - or equally "bad" different things.

Christianity isn't about leading a perfect life. That's never going to happen because we aren't Christ or God. Should we, as Christians, try to recognize the "bad" things - the sins - we are committing, admit to them, and try to do better? Certainly. But if we were able to right all of our wrongs by ourselves and lead perfect lives, then Jesus wouldn't have needed to die on the cross. He did that for us, for our salvation from our sins, because we can't do all those things by ourselves.

Yes, we should try to be the best, nicest people that we can - just because we should. But when we fall down and screw up - which we totally will - we just need to recommit ourselves to trying to do better moving forward. And know that you're already forgiven because Jesus loves you - and loved you long before you ever existed - that much.

[Kristabella]

I'm definitely the wrong person to ask because I can be Judgey McGossippants.

But I agree with Kelly. It doesn't make you a bad person. Pushing that woman into the street would make you a bad person. Just thinking and not doing doesn't damn you to hell.

Basically I'm just saying don't stop gossiping because then I'll be sad and you'll hurt me and that isn't very Jesus-like. Jesus wants you to make me laugh.

[Laura]

This is a very honest post that would probably be very hard for many people to write. Good for you for writing this.

I think part of it is personality, so to a certain extent you are probably fighting an uphill battle that you may not win... but you can change to a certain extent if you want to. I have one suggestion, and that is to put yourself in the shoes of the other person (for example, the person that's annoying you, or the person you're gossiping about) and try to give them the benefit of the doubt. i.e. maybe the slow walker is recovering from an injury and can't walk faster. Or, how would the person feel if they knew you were gossiping about them?

That has stopped me in my tracks several times when I've found myself being really snarky about someone.

I seriously do not think you should give up your celebrity gossip rags though. Those are just fun.

[Rhi]

I've actually been thinking about this recently. One of my very very good friends got engaged, and was I happy for her? Well, yes, of course, but not until I was done being pissed off that she hadn't been dating her boyfriend for as long as Bill and I. And, I of course IM'd with a friend of mine over it (YOU WERE NOT ONLINE, HOW DARE YOU).

Really, I just need to stop being so damn difficult. And, hopefully with that, I'll shut the hell up about other people. Except the Duggars, I reserve the right to speak about them.

[Anonymous New York]

Clearly you are a good person and being Christ-like in your actions (teaching Sunday school, volunteering for committees). What you think in your head doesn't seem to be impacting the way you live your life. I think as long as you aren't hurting other people with what you say, it's probably all good. I'm sure it's a release, too.

Besides, Bronx Mowgli has it coming. Even Jesus would laugh. He only said you had to love your neighbors, not refrain from laughing at their stupidity.

[Kim]

Oh am I guilty of this. At least three or four times this hour.

I am trying, though, to counter my internal snark with a non-judgmental thought. I am also trying to be less judgmental as my 10-year old daughter seems to be picking up on it. This whole "lead by example" parenting thing is HARD!

[Mer]

Dude, you can totally be loving and Christ-like towards people and still think snarky, gossipy, hilarious bad thoughts about them. You are doing it already, flawlessly. Your gossip doesn't hurt the people you're gossiping about, it just makes the rest of us laugh! Don't take that away from us, PLEASE!

PS: your post was not at all too Jesus-y. And you know, coming from me, that is the seal of approval. I don't think you'd have to move to a different blog, I thought that post fit right in! Unless you were holding back about the Jesus parts? But I somehow doubt it.

[Sheri]

I've always thought that being a Christian meant having a personal relationship with God. I don't think God expects perfection. He wants us to try to be the best people He made us to be. And there is a huge difference between thinking and doing. That being said, I am not the religous zealot. But I do miss going to mass. Maybe one day, before my kids turn 50.

[ally]

Sometimes I think I focus too much on my sin and not enough on Jesus. He's the only one who can really transform me from the hot mess that I am, but it's easy to forget that and rely on my own "will" or (weak) discipline to try and be a "better person." I think if I'd just seek Him through His word, prayer, and worship I might find myself being more like Him....

And yeah, I vacillate about feeling convicted about gossipy magazines (I figure at least I never buy them:) and E! and whatnot and just not caring.

Thanks for sharing a little bit of your heart with us.